You! Out of the GENE POOL!!

I think we can all agree that the food allergy thing has gotten completely out of hand. The other day I sold some food to a soccer mom that was given the thankless task of getting food for some kid (not hers, she was quick to point out) that had a 'protein allergy'. She was terrified of giving that poor little bastard the meal that would be his last. She finally decided to give him a big bag of steamed, unseasoned broccoli just to be safe. Personally, I think the kid's mom should be slapped for saddling this poor woman with that responsibility. The food allergy people are like that. They place the onus on us, the people who serve the food, to not kill them. I'm dead serious- I have had this many times and I'm sure you have too- "There aren't any (insert offending food item here) in this salad are there?" they chide "because I don't want to die...." Um. First of all, if I knew that if I ate an onion, or a piece of an onion I would go into anaphylaxis and die, I would not eat out. That is obvious. Here is the less obvious way of looking at this:


DISCLAIMER
If you or someone you know has a food allergy just stop reading now. Also if you are a sensitive type. Go watch Touched By An Angel reruns or kitten videos or whatever it is you people do.

                             He's just a damn cat and even he knows how dumb this is

If you are the type of person that can be murdered by a Nutter Butter AND you are dumb enough to put your life in the hands of a total stranger who gets paid $2.13 an hour then MAYBE there's a reason Mother Nature wants your ass dead. Notice how I said Mother Nature? That's because I'm not advocating eugenics here. People are way too flawed to make the 'who lives and who dies' decisions. But Nature's system is elegant and irrefutable. It got us to the top of the food chain as long as we stay out of shark infested waters and wear bear bells when hiking. But when pondering the question of what is a kid with a protein allergy made of I wonder how we as a species went from being able to put the fear into a fucking WOOLY MAMMOTH with nothing but a sharpened stick to people who can't eat bread.

"Holy shit-is that a Nutter Butter you have there? Please- anything but that!"

It is not my fault that you are genetically inferior to other humans. Do not try to imply that your deficiency is my problem and that if you die because I served you a brownie with a fragment of walnut on it your blood is on my hands. You're the one Mother Nature has put a bounty on not me. Stay home and drink protein shakes (if you're not allergic to protein anyway) and think about getting yourself sterilized before you spread your sickly DNA all over the place.