Me Talk Pretty One Day

I've been really into Sherlock Holmes lately and have always loved his uncanny ability to make brilliant deductions about people based on keen observational data. So with that in mind I decided to try to alleviate the boredom the other day at the Fajita Factory. My first subject was an easy one: A grandfather in his 50's dining out with his charming little family, wife, daughter and her child. Pa orders a "Koh-Cola" and a "Jah-lapeno burger". Yes, he pronounced the J in jalapeno. What does this tell me about him? A lot actually...

1. He drives a white (black is a scary colour) pickup truck with a picture of a deer on it somewhere and a     Georgia Bulldawgs sticker. He learned to drive on his grandpa's riding lawnmower.

Damn dirty Mexi-CANs

2. He saw Grandma get run over by a reindeer.

3. He owns seven baseball caps but no ties.

4. He thinks all brown skinned people are 'Mexi-CANs' and doesn't trust them.

5. If his house were on fire and he could only save one person, it would be his coonhound.

6. He is about to willingly consume a sandwich that has 2200 calories, 144 grams of fat and 6600 mg. of sodium, which means he's not afraid to die of a heart attack, and would welcome the escape from his pilled out spouse that he married in a shotgun wedding after knocking her up in the parking lot of a junkyard while they waited for his brother Bubba II to find a carburetor for his '69 Dodge Charger,  General Lee.


 I may have stolen that last bit from The Dukes Of Hazzard. Sorry about that, Cooter.

"Right 'bout that time Pa's arteries were in a heap o' trouble!"