More To Love

Yesterday I brought food to two very overweight ladies and observed a variety of 'weight loss' pills on the table. I didn't catch the name of the pills as I was struggling with a rather heavy tray laden with all manner of fried chicken strips, freedom fries and other beige food items. My reverie was broken by their curt demands for ranch dressing to dip these beige things in. I have already been over ranch dressing. It is fat in a bowl. I wonder if you planted those pills in the garden would they grow into a beanstalk that will take you to Narnia.
So the question for today's blog is:

How can people be so ignorant as to believe that they can routinely eat buckets of fried beige meat with fried potatoes dipped in bowls of fat sauce and wash it down with a gallon of sugar water and not continue to balloon out like a bloated drowned cow?

People are getting fat in America. Those of us who aren't fat are the minority now, which means that in the future, we will have to have special toilets so we don't fall in. Look at this thing:

this is considered a bathtub in Japan

That is what the future looks like. It's rated for 500+lbs and it's almost a yard across.


I don't care what the late night t.v. commercial says. The only pill you could eat after that disgusting shame banquet that would possibly prevent the postal service giving you your own zip code would be something containing freeze dried tapeworm larvae. But people will do anything to avoid getting off their asses apparently. Look at the attention given to the whole Dr. Atkins diet revolution. I worked at the Macaroni Grill when  this travesty took hold of the nation and had to grit my teeth while these porcine wankers tried to order food that Dr. Atkins would approve of. Which at a pasta restaurant is pretty much nothing. This got so out of hand that when he died it was a bit of a relief because when I had to deal with one of those nincompoops and they started trying to order a double cheese and prosciutto sandwich with no bread and a bowl of bacon I would have only to stare at them until they started to putter out and then I would wait patiently for them to stop talking. I would stare at them until they were quite finished. And then I would say, "You know Dr. Atkins is dead right? He died. Of  a  HEART ATTACK."

Dr. Atkins prescribes...more pork rinds!

If you had told me that the new diet craze would be one in which you are not allowed to eat fruit or grains and are encouraged to eat pork rinds and butter and entire packages of bacon I would have laughed and said, "no way are people that stupid." And I would be wrong.  The well of human ignorance is bottomless, like a basket of tortilla chips at the Fajita Factory.