Blog Writer wanted on Craigslist

So I'm trawling Craigslist and I come across this post under 'writing gigs':

 BLOG WRITING WORK -- PART TIME   


DESCRIPTION:
Looking for a professional blogger and writer to publish articles about various janitorial products and cleaning supply that our company sells, as well as interesting information on how-to cleaning jobs. Clear concise,engaging writing is required. The writer should be able to utilize some basic SEO tactics and write an arresting headline. 
Must be able to write 5-10 blog post per week by assignment (300 to 500 words) on a given topic, we are a janitorial supply company, so majority of the content creation will be related to cleaning and cleaning products.

- Create an angle and tone that is relevant to the blog audience based on input from editor.
- Meet all deadlines on time.
- Produce 100% original work.
- Incorporate SEO keywords if needed.

 You CAN'T make stuff like this up. 

There's more to this hilarity but you get the gist. I am sitting here trying to imagine the genius, and I do mean genius without a trace of sarcasm that could actually fill this position. Somewhere out there is a Stephen King character, an elite level 20 janitor that writes like Shakespeare and has a magic bag full of arresting anecdotes about epic cleaning adventures. AND he can produce 5-10 of these riveting narratives a week for $10 an hour.

I am not such a being. But in deference to this mop wielding mystic, I shall enter this Kumite:

"I call this beauty Beyonce"

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Tuesday, and the copy machine repair guy had been in. Toner was everywhere, in drifts and clumps like the bubonic plague. This was the most dire situation since the data entry clerk's menstrual cycles got synchronized, like a witches coven they were all united by their diabolical moon cycles, just menstruating all over the ladies bathroom like crazy. What a nightmare. Thank sweet Christ for Zep #12 with XTRA CLEANING POWER. It looked like the the prom in Carrie until I deployed my DOUBLE THICKNESS MICROFIBER SHOP TOWELS by Zep and exorcised those particular demons. For the love of GOD ladies. Every time you flush a tampon a little baby turtle gets eaten by a seagull! But this toner holocaust made that look G rated by comparison. One of those white collared morons had tried to wipe it up with a mere paper towel and just sort of smeared it all over the cubicles. One really big smear kind of looked like the Virgin Mary. I knew I had to clean it up before the floor crew came in or I'd never get them out of there before the first shift arrived. Amateurs. This called for the big guns. Time for SUPER SPARKLE BRITE with Tergitol 62. Now that's what I call immaculate!