DISCLAIMER
If you or someone you know has a food allergy just stop reading now. Also if you are a sensitive type. Go watch Touched By An Angel reruns or kitten videos or whatever it is you people do.
He's just a damn cat and even he knows how dumb this is
If you are the type of person that can be murdered by a Nutter Butter AND you are dumb enough to put your life in the hands of a total stranger who gets paid $2.13 an hour then MAYBE there's a reason Mother Nature wants your ass dead. Notice how I said Mother Nature? That's because I'm not advocating eugenics here. People are way too flawed to make the 'who lives and who dies' decisions. But Nature's system is elegant and irrefutable. It got us to the top of the food chain as long as we stay out of shark infested waters and wear bear bells when hiking. But when pondering the question of what is a kid with a protein allergy made of I wonder how we as a species went from being able to put the fear into a fucking WOOLY MAMMOTH with nothing but a sharpened stick to people who can't eat bread.
"Holy shit-is that a Nutter Butter you have there? Please- anything but that!" |
It is not my fault that you are genetically inferior to other humans. Do not try to imply that your deficiency is my problem and that if you die because I served you a brownie with a fragment of walnut on it your blood is on my hands. You're the one Mother Nature has put a bounty on not me. Stay home and drink protein shakes (if you're not allergic to protein anyway) and think about getting yourself sterilized before you spread your sickly DNA all over the place.
2 comments:
True story: I have been saying all of the above things for many, many years. I could not agree more if there were two of me.
Ever since that quack Doc Adkins came along and made people terrified of the demon Gluten, everyone thinks it's hip to have a "gluten allergy" (read: wacko diet) and forswear all but the dryest, blandest, most cardboard-y of baked goods.
+1000 truth points.
for realz. It's the Staff Of Life! To reject bread is to reject goodness itself.
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